The Ass Cancer Chronicles

On October 17th, my world ended. Or, at least it felt like it ended.

I woke up from a colonoscopy procedure and was told that 6 polyps, ranging in size from 2mm – 7mm had been removed. Additionally, a 25 mm mass had been located in my anal canal, it was cancerous, and I would need to begin undergoing treatment consisting of radiation & chemotherapy ASAP.

Through tears, all I could say was, “I’m so fucked.”

Insurance. What would insurance cover? What kind of bills were we looking at? It’s shitty to think of these things first, I know, but when you’re a business owner who goes directly to the US Government for health insurance without any guidance, you truly never know what kind of bills you’ll get after any sort of doctor visit, nonetheless major procedures.

Husband & Children. What would happen to them? Was I dying? How would they all be taken care of during whatever the next months or year would fling our way? My husband, Steve, and I have been together for 19 years, and we have a 3 year old and a soon-to-be 2 year old. Who was going to take care of these people?

Family. How the fuck was I going to tell my mom, who had just lost her husband to MDS in July 2024, that she needed to buckle up because we were entering this cancer shitshow again. How was I going to tell Steve’s mom, who was diagnosed last December with mesothelioma, that I, too, had now joined the cancer party? How would I tell my incredibly close-knit immediate family about something that I couldn’t even wrap my head around?

There were so many things swirling in my anesthesia-wasted mind. I couldn’t make the connection that I was now a “cancer person”. I couldn’t shake the images of my make-believe cancer life from my brain.

Like I said, on October 17th, my world ended. I was shocked. I was pissed off. I was sad. I was aggravated.

I knew right away that I’d have to start a blog to chronicle everything, and so here we are, friends. A place that I can post updates about my health, share the journey, hopefully help others to understand and unite, need be.

So come along! This first entry is just the tip (hehehe) of the iceberg that has been the last 2+ weeks. Through these chronicles there will be sadness, happiness, lots of ass jokes, and tons of information that I may or may not fully comprehend myself.

I strongly believe that when we talk about something, or write about something, that we eliminate the power that it has over us. I don’t want my journey to be a big, dark secret because I won’t allow anything to have that much control over me.

Stay tuned. I promise, it gets better.

Bums away,

Kirsten.